this is a poem i wrote one day about a man I saw standing on a street corner.
I saw you standing there
in the dark gloom of a tired stance.
There’s no telling how soon
the gloom of your decisions will fade.
I stare into the azure blue sky
and don’t see any of your gray clouds
The shroud of indecision
has been cut with an incision
through my mind.
I take three steps towards new hope
but away from you.
You fall back on your tired legs
and beg the tax man for some spare change.
Its been too long since you thought about death
and the weight of your breath
and who knows when you’ll decide
to shape up and ship out of this town.
I proceed down the path with five smiles in my pocket
and not one frown.
Cause I’m leaving this town, oh yah I’m leaving this town.
You can have these broken walls, shattered dreams, siren screams
I’m leaving this town,
and not a moment too soon.
I’m leaving this town cause I’m afraid of you.
I’m a rich white suburbanite and you’re Johnny Ghetto,
sleeping in the alleyways of the American Mind.
Only time can tell how long you will live in this hell,
before you leave this town without a frown
and walk away with five smiles in your pocket.
i bought a small notebook at tar’je (target); its a small accessory I want to have with me all times. Its important to write things down.
Im working on the TLM site. Its going pretty well and I think its heading in the right direction. I’ve gotten a lot of inpiration from studio AKT. they design clean sites. It wont be that pretty, but it will sure as hell function like one of their pages. meanwhile, everyone in the band is pulling weight and working hard towards our goal. i dont want to be in an office the rest of my life. I just wasnt meant for it.
Im listening to some crazy ass hardcore metal right now and its making the office environment a much different place. outside of my headphones everything is practically still…. but in my head there is a cacophony of choas pushing me at every second and reminding me not to fall asleep. i’m glad the band has decided to go a bit harder. I want cradle of filth, i want blood brothers with better vocals, i want the hardest we cna come up with. its up to me to make it sound pretty. oh, and backup screaming will be handled as well. :o)
i had a strange dream last night… the hard to find, but the way it is in my head, with a broken down piano outside that only has about 30 working keys and I always play c minor on it… just sounds the best. you know you’re a musician when you start writing music in your dreams. of course, this is my calling.
i saw pageant of the masters last night. no words can describe the beauty of this. it is in one of the most beautiful places in southern california, with some of the ugliest and most egotistical people in that region as well. despite all of those people though, you cant help but stare in awe and amazement at what gets put on that stage. its really miraculous and utterly gorgeous. its almost like something out of a dream or a hallucinogenic stupor; it does not seem real at all.
so there was like four intersecting narratives and i was a part or character in each of them. one was this guy who lived up in the hills and he was making pizza. this other was this bachelor that lived with his wife who was hitting on me constantly. the third was this other guy who was an executioner but looked so innocent that you would never suspect it. the people all knew of each other, though it jumped from place to place with no seeming connection. i want to write a book like this because the plot line was so interesting, yet so scattered. it was difficult to tell who i was supposed to be, but i definitely knew i was supposed to figure out how these people were all connected.
there was a night club with fire, my dear tippy accompanying me, rememberences of old friends, a night scene with cops harrasing people (arresting a girl for impersonating a police officer), little kids at summer camp, a room that people were expected to live in but it was old and torn down, somehow that was connected to my house, it was my parents room transformed, my old roommate josh trying to hookup a stereo system and moving everything around my bed because he liked a clear path, sitting in the sun with tippy, watching the sunset, writing an impromptu poem about a tree hanging on a cliff (she didnt like it much), taking pictures of people who were mocking me while i was trying to find my camera (when it was in my pocket the whole time), discovering books i lost (fellowship of the ring, two towers, some japanese fiction writers). whew. theres so much more but i can hardly explain it right now. I just woke up and wrote all of this to get it out of my mind.
its odd how we say “i had a dream” when its more like “the dream had me”.